Spirit Airlines’ business model has at its core the ultra low airfare and a la carte concept to pricing. So we’ve come up with a few suggestions for this penurious small airline.

• 10.    $10 for a passenger safety brochure in the seat pocket in front of you.
• 9.     $50 if you want a working lifejacket.
• 8.     $100 for a good time with the flight attendant.
• 7.     $75 for the two flight officer option.
• 6.    $25 if you’re too stupid to work the kiosks unassisted.
• 5.    $2.00 per minute to talk to a customer service representative irrespective accuracy of his or her answers.
• 4.    $2.00 access fee for lavatories with an additional $3.00 if you require tissue.
• 3.    Sizes 2X and larger pay a $50 too fat to fly surcharge.
• 2.    $10 exit fee if you did not clean your immediate area prior to deplaning.
• 1.    $100 refueling charge if you bring back the aircraft without a full tank.