10. The only sex you’ve had is with your mistress.

  9. Your wife can’t remember where she left the kitchen.

  8. Everyone that works for you is your cousin.

  7. You don’t see labor as a factor of production it’s really an act of generosity.

  6. Your wife knows Chuck Shummer is shtupping Hilary, because she can see it in his face.

  5. Your mother knew you would always end up this way.

  4. You rename polyester, polyeli, and call it a miracle fabric.

  3. You know that male underwear models use inserts so you’re entitled.

  2. You’re the only one in your family that knows to achieve a 50% gross margin you need a 100% markup.

   1. You’re over 50 and you still can’t drive to the grocery store without getting lost.

 Disclaimer:

FOG HORN, nor any of its contributors is affiliated with either the Late Show or David Letterman, and we like it that way. As consumers, we feel that Dave and The Late Show (except for the orchestra) is a drag on human intellect; for that reason, going forward we will always refer to the “FOG HORN Top n Reasons, where n=10.” However, we reserve the right to let n = any real or imaginary number.